On the Imminence of Fatherhood

In February, a former lover wrote me the most wonderful invitation of a letter I have ever received. In it, Lacy asked me to be her “baby daddy,” a loosely defined label I am still not sure about in part because of its negative origin and uses. I like the playfulness of baby daddy, but it also sounds not quite serious enough when I think of all that fatherhood rightly entails, and all I intend to provide to this late-in-life progeny. Lacy was willing to accept loving conception or go all anonymous without me at all, but she asked me and has welcomed my desire to be in “our” child’s life. I’m honored. I’m tickled to tears. I’m thrilled!


Lacy now!

Lacy flew to the Bay Area in March for us to reconnect, and as it turned out, she didn’t have to return in April or May. My heart goes out to friends who have struggled or failed to conceive. Ours was destined to be easy, and I am writing at this 11:59th hour to ask for my Missive readers to offer up prayers for as easy a delivery. The official due date of this big ball of wonder is today, December 3, and it may very begin this evening! Mother and baby-to-be are huge and healthy! At last Friday’s sonogram, the radiologist said it looked like the baby-to-be was already a whopping 8 lb. 10 oz.! At the birthing center this morning, all indicators are positive, and Lacy has even dilated substantially since last Thursday. It is Chanukah, and the women of this amazing household (plus the adorable 2 year old Serena) just walked in with a Christmas tree.


Best sonogram was months ago.

I was going to write a Missive about this for months, but it kept feeling like I was getting ahead of myself. I will write more as it grows, I assure you. My role in the life of this child is unclear, yet definite, so again, I’m not sure what exactly to write. Lacy and mine is an atypical, emerging re-lationship. Very 21st Century. I’m not a sperm donor. I’m not an uncle. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area and Lacy lives in Washington DC. We both have other significant relationships not to be undone. I sometimes feel as far away as I physically am, and I expect to be visiting DC frequently in the coming years. Maybe I’ll move here, but not planning to at present. I will be a stay at home dad when I’m in town at least.

Last week I decided to wait until after the birth to write anything, but now, MY dam has burst, and I want to tell the world how excited I am to about to become a father even as my friends are becoming grandparents! I am asking for all your hopeful energy, prayers, candle magic, blessings and spells to help Lacy and baby-to-be emerge all whole and healthy ASAP!


My father as I remember him the most.

Fatherhood can’t be defined for life by any one snapshot in time. I am committed to the child for life. Lacy didn’t go anonymous like she could have. She didn’t know if I would say yes, or if I would want to have any parenting role at all if I did. Thank you, Lacy, for how thrilled you have been at how thrilled I am. I am also so, so happy my mom will get to dote on the little one as her grandchild! May this gift of love and hope arrive soon. We are ready to receive you!

My father, Sanford, was a wonderfully loving and stable presence in my life until he died, even during his mortal fight with melanoma. I’m grateful to him and my father-friends for such great examples to follow. Thank you again for all your immediate love, prayers and well-wishes.

May my next Missive be called for soon!



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11 Responses to On the Imminence of Fatherhood

  1. Madrone Jack says:

    Can’t wait for your baby to arrive and see pictures.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sue Weber says:

    You had a wonderful role model for fatherhood!


  3. Sheldon Norberg says:

    Mazel Tov!
    I can’t think of a more committed, upright human to take on the role.


  4. Granni Franni, aka: Frances Liau says:

    A festival of love, lights and life
    Welcome new beautiful baby child


  5. Devorah Brous says:

    May mama Lacey be blessed with a smooth, and transformative labor and delivery! May you step into this role, empowered with grace and bring to it all of your extraordinary gifts of laughter, deep commitment, and clear sense of how to prioritize your ethics and values in this zany world. Sending light and love for a healthy and resilient MIRACLE baby! You are loved!! Chag Samayach!


  6. Jeff says:



  7. Anonymous says:

    This is so beautiful Jim! Blessings to you and Lacey and Baby to Be and all Family. Can’t wait to hear more!


  8. Ardys says:

    Of course congrats


  9. Burt Jacobson says:

    Wow! Congratulations! Mazel tov!
    And lots of love…


  10. Lorien MacAuley says:

    I continue to be grateful and amazed by your principled and intentional approach to fatherhood, Jim. As Lacy’s twin sister, member of the household, and mother of 2-year-old Serena, I am deeply appreciative that you are the man you are, and that my sister has chosen to walk this road with you. We will all navigate these emerging roles we have, and I am committed to supporting you and Lacy in this non traditional space, however I can. Sending so much love, and I look forward to seeing you again in January!


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